My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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