Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
