He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
