i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
where does the pee come out of this thing
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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