Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
