My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
