it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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