I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
