He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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