I'm really into asian looking animals
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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