You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
