She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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