im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
