I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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