Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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