i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
