btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
