We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
