Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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