You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
