What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
