I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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