In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
