when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
