Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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