I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
