You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
