xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize