So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
