Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
