I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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