Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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