this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
