What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
