One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
