you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
