I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
