She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
