I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
