I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
