Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i don't like sucking hair
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
