Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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