Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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