I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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