I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
