I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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