is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
