It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
