this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
