He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
