I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
