i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
