you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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