Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She bit a glass in half.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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