when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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