I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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