So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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