On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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