Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
