She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
