the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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