Got a toothbrush?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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