Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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