we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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