I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
