just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
