I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
