I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
